So this is the first "Mind Movie" aka video vision board I've created for my health and weight loss goals. It took me a few weeks of sifting through pictures in Google Image Search, coming up with exactly what I wanted represented, and of course picking the right song. There were so many great songs and ideas I wanted represented in the video! But I had to pick one and had to limit the images and affirmations to what would fit in roughly 3 minutes and 30 seconds...I went slightly over the length of the song with the credits at the end, but that was necessary. I thought I had the project completed like 3 or 4 times before spotting a spelling error here or a hard to read font color there. On the final edit, I felt the need to add a "disclaimer" of sorts about wanting to look sexy. The images of the Pole Fitness classes and the desire to have a nice ass made me feel it was necessary to explain/justify (?) that! I've come to the conclusion that my weight has been, in large part, an effort to hide my sexuality. The reasons for which are complicated and for another post.
Interestingly, the mental anguish of realizing I had this need to explain my desire to look sexy to friends and total strangers that might watch my video - since I had already made the decision to share this journey publicly! - made me want to run straight to my fridge! Go figure right! I didn't move though, I sat there before my computer screen and sat with the discomfort - of wanting to look sexy, of saying as much to people viewing the video, of being ok with that for the first time in a very long time - and I found an image of toes peeking out from underneath a curtain and decided to add "I am ready to stop hiding and start living." For half of my life now, I have been hiding under a whole 'nother person!! Literally, and figuratively, another person. One of the reasons I am going public with this tale is because I feel like I have to in order to really heal that part of me that has insisted on hiding for so long.
So yeah, this is my video. I plan on doing more, for other areas of my life and then maybe one condensed one representing the whole picture. I've started pulling some REALLY fun pics for a financial vision - it's going to be great. I started my "official" YouTube channel for this blog yesterday, too. Hopefully I'll get more readers and viewers. Like I said, I know there are alot of people with the same stuff going on as I have. I hope we can all connect and decide to thrive. Together. Together is good.
And no. I do not want to be a pole dancer...well not for anyone other than me and my man. ;)
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