Yeah I know it's been awhile, too long in fact, since I last blogged. So here I go with a new post!
I honestly did not know what to call this post, so I'll just jump right in and explain what the hell it means :D
Three weeks ago I went out with a group of friends from my spiritual center. A couple of us had been wanting to get together to sing karaoke for quite some time and that night we had an event at the Center where going out afterward just seemed to make sense, so we went for it. My friends are amazing people, spiritually open and they both have an amazing sense of humor. It felt like I laughed non-stop the entire time we were at the bar. I know this wasn't literally true, because I had to breathe obviously and I also sang a few songs, so I wasn't laughing the entire time but it's f'in awesome that I remember it that way! When I sang my first song, I felt my hands shaking and hoped it didn't come through in my voice, I was so nervous singing for friends that hadn't heard me sing before. But by the end of the night there was ZERO fear in me, as I will explain.
When I was looking through the book of karaoke songs, I saw on the first page that they offered 3 old school 2 Live Crew songs, including the classic (well, classic in some circles) "Me So Horny." I pointed this out to my friends, I was kind of in disbelief that they were listed there - some bars won't let you sing anything explicit...Lincoln Depot is not one of those bars! So there we are laughing and singing, having a great time and my brother, who was also along, decided to put my name on a karaoke slip for "Me So Horny" and to this day I have no idea why I agreed to sing it, I just know that I did and it was EXHILERATING!!! It was like I was someone else. I'm the first to admit that my performances are usually pretty wooden, I've always been so focused on how I sound that I'm afraid to put my attention on interacting with the crowd or worried I'll say something dumb, whatever, so I usually just stand there and concentrate on singing well. When the music started, I walked over to where my friends were sitting and as soon as the first set of really filthy lyrics popped up, in my head I was thinking "well don't just stop!" and I pushed through the fear of saying - well, singing rather - such dirty things and I just did it. And not only did I do it, I was interacting with the crowd, too! I know I was feeding off of the energy around me that was joyful and supportive. I felt such an amazing rush! I finished the song, even though I kept cracking up through it, and I threw my hands in the air in a victorious "ROCK ON" pose when I was done. People were high 5'ing me and cheering and I couldn't believe what I had just done!
As I explained to my friends, I had just smashed through my comfort zone. I would drive home that night and barely sleep, the excitement buzzed through my mind all night long and wouldn't let me settle down too deeply. The next day, I realized where I had felt that feeling before, or at least where I had seen it before. 4 years ago, Dan and I had gone to an event called Harmonic Wealth Weekend, where we had broken boards with our bare hands. When people smashed through their boards, which represented their limiting beliefs, I watched as women lept into people's arms with joy and men caught them, just as joyful themselves. I don't remember being quite so exhilerated when I broke my board. Close, but I don't remember leaping into Dan's arms. But that was it. That is what I felt that night. Total. Exhuberant. Joy. Joy for having shattered something that normally would terrify me and that I sang things I never even say! And the awesome thing about this is, once you've shattered it, that fear is gone. I just took a giant leap out of my comfort zone, broke through a fear that was limiting me, and sang one of the most sexually explicit songs known to man...I know this is a huge victory for the me that's been hiding all these years. So yes - seriously - my life has been changed by singing a 2 Live Crew song!
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